LAWRENCE: Heres a top tip for ya! *digital beeping noise* JACK: Tip top.
LAWRENCE: When you’re in the golf cart… LAWRENCE: Make sure that all your wheels are on the ground when you boost. JACK: When you boost. LAWRENCE: Cause you’re gonna – you’re gonna hit some ramps and you’re gonna wanna flop up like that. BRUCE: I know what he’s saying. LAWRENCE: Don’t boost like that. JACK: Okay.
CHAD: Don’t do it.
LAWRENCE: You gotta wait for your… LAWRENCE: You gotta wait for yourself to come in.
JACK: Boosts on the ground. Got it. GEOFF: Yeah. LAWRENCE: Yeah, see? It doesn’t matter though! He doesn’t know what that means! BRUCE: What happens if Jack is the Wizard though? CHAD: Can you, can you?
BRUCE: Jack – Jack could be the Wizard. JACK: Like from, like the movie The Wizard? BRUCE: Yeah! From Fred Savage. LAWRENCE: No, from – from…
BRUCE: Oh The Wiz… I’m talking about The Wiz. JACK: Oh ok!
BRUCE: No, I’m talking about The Wiz. BRUCE: That’s what I meant. JACK: *singing* Ease on down the road! JACK: David Alan Grier is in a new remake of The Wiz. BRUCE: You bet he is!
GEOFF: Saw that. BRUCE: And uh…
JACK: I saw it our taxi. BRUCE: Queen Latifah… and Mary J. Blige. JACK: Michael Jackson.
CHAD: Oh really? LAWRENCE: The 80’s is the only time you can get away with a movie like that. LAWRENCE: Or like, The Apple… LAWRENCE: No one’s chiming in here.
BRUCE: What the hell are you talking about?
*everybody talking at once* LAWRENCE: It’s just a bombastic stage play about how beautiful and magical… LAWRENCE: Uh… LAWRENCE: I think – I think it’s a retelling of The Wizard of Oz…
BRUCE: Do you know what he’s talking about? CHAD: No. LAWRENCE: But takes place inside New York. BRUCE: Does anyone know what he’s talking about?
CHAD: I don’t know. CHAD: I love watching bad movies, it’s like a guilty pleasure of mine. LAWRENCE: Go do it man.
BRUCE: Aw jeez. BRUCE: Well Lawrence loves doing that. LAWRENCE: The next one on deck for me is Looker, by Michael Crichton. BRUCE: *sigh* BRUCE: Jack, you’re in the front! JACK: Yay! I’m number one! BRUCE: Why is he going so slow? CHAD: I mean, it is a golf cart.
LAWRENCE: Cause they’re golf carts. LAWRENCE: These are terrible. GEOFF: He missed his turbo. LAWRENCE: Haaa! JACK: Ohhh there’s a hole there! LAWRENCE: There you go. It lined you up. JACK: *car engine sounds*
GEOFF: Game glitch. JACK: Vroom! LAWRENCE: Nope. CHAD: Can you bump ’em off to their deaths?
JACK: I just magically floated! JACK: That was weird.
LAWRENCE: Yeah of course. LAWRENCE: Hooo! CHAD: Ooop! CHAD: Ohhh! JACK: What? BRUCE: Oh right there, right there Jack! CHAD: Nope nope! BRUCE: Ooop nice move! CHAD: Ohhh!
BRUCE: Oh nice move! BRUCE: Turn that wheel! CHAD: Slow and steady!
GEOFF: Save it save it save it! BRUCE: Hale and hearty! Ahhh! LAWRENCE: Don’t don’t… Ah there ya go. BRUCE: No no don’t go down the middle. CHAD: You don’t, you don’t. CHAD: You guys remember that minigame in Mario Party? LAWRENCE: Hooo!
JACK: No. CHAD: One and two?
BRUCE: No. JACK: We don’t play Nintendo games.
CHAD: Where you run… BRUCE: Are we talking about The Apple again? JACK: Aw you son of a bitch! BRUCE: Jack, I thought you said you – you’re good at this! JACK: *high pitched* Did I say that? BRUCE: Get outta the way! JACK: Awww.
CHAD: It’s his strategy. CHAD: He’s hindering you. CHAD: Uh oh. BRUCE: Oooo boy.
GEOFF: Alright Jack.
LAWRENCE: That was tricky. BRUCE: That was risky. JACK: Mad skills!
CHAD: Oh he’s gonna bump you! JACK: Mad – ahhh!
CHAD: -60 360! GEOFF: Alright retard, make it up the hill.
LAWRENCE: Back it up! BRUCE: Nice spin!
LAWRENCE: There we go.
JACK: Awww! LAWRENCE: Tide’s out!
BRUCE: He’s got it he’s got it! JACK: There we go.
LAWRENCE: It’s just an empty golf cart. BRUCE: *laughs* I know.
LAWRENCE: Fuck this! BRUCE: Ohhh ahhh! LAWRENCE: And…!
CHAD: Blazing speed.
JACK: Mad skills. LAWRENCE: Yeah here we go.
BRUCE: Oh no. LAWRENCE: This is…
CHAD: You have an opportunity!
LAWRENCE: Here we go. BRUCE: Boost off the end!
LAWRENCE: Boost again. CHAD: Don’t even look, just boost!
LAWRENCE: Yeah! BRUCE: Wait, where ya going?
LAWRENCE: I think you’re gonna make it.
CHAD: We’ll find out. GEOFF: Oh you got it. LAWRENCE: You made it! BRUCE: *yelling* AHHH!
CHAD: You did it!
BRUCE: What an amazing jump! BRUCE: Oh you gotta be shitting me! LAWRENCE: That’s not gonna work. CHAD: No no no no! LAWRENCE: That’s not gonna work! BRUCE: Wait there’s no way! CHAD: You have to boost it!
LAWRENCE: There’s no way! BRUCE: You have to boost again?
LAWRENCE: You gotta wall-ride baby! CHAD: And then drift it.
LAWRENCE: And then come back down! BRUCE: Oh fuck no!
JACK: Oh my god, screw that. BRUCE: How do you get another boost?
LAWRENCE: You don’t.
JACK: No one bothered telling me that. LAWRENCE: You don’t, you just need the momentum. BRUCE: What the fuck are you talking about? LAWRENCE: Also sometimes one boost…
LAWRENCE: Is not enough. LAWRENCE: So get rid – get ready for that. JACK: You get ready for that. CHAD: Ohhhhhhhh…
JACK: ba na na na na
LAWRENCE: Got it! BRUCE: Oh get that boost!
CHAD: No don’t stop! BRUCE: Oh now you can do it! Go go! Boost! BRUCE: Oh!
CHAD: He got it!
JACK: I used it! LAWRENCE: I told you not to use it. LAWRENCE: You don’t, you just need the momentum. BRUCE: What the fuck are you talking about? JACK: There we go.
GEOFF: You’re a goddamn lunatic. JACK: I got this. I’m gonna boost. GEOFF: Umph…
CHAD: You might…
BRUCE: Boost. JACK: I am boosting.
CHAD: Not have needed to boost. LAWRENCE: Alright just cut the wheel really hard once you get up there. CHAD: Yeah it’s…
JACK: Argh, cutting it! CHAD: No wait, do it do it do it! JACK: Ugh.
BRUCE: Wait. What in the…? LAWRENCE: I don’t know why you didn’t boost. GEOFF: Yeah you should’ve boosted.
OTHERS: *laugh* BRUCE: You got momentum! GEOFF: Alright you got momentum, keep going! LAWRENCE: Hooo!
CHAD: You’re doin’ it! BRUCE: You got it Jack!
GEOFF: Oh oh oh yassss! BRUCE: *yelling* Oh Jack!
CHAD: No! Yes! GEOFF: *screams* BRUCE: Momentum.
LAWRENCE: Don’t use your boosts, just clear it. BRUCE: Cut the wheel.
GEOFF: Alright cut it up. CHAD: Turn!
BRUCE: Turn left!
CHAD: Turn! CHAD: Turn! Turn turn turn!
BRUCE: Aw nice. LAWRENCE: There you go. CHAD: Now chill, just…
GEOFF: You got this, you got this LAWRENCE: Checkpoint!
GEOFF: Checkpoint! BRUCE: Nice.
GEOFF: Ye-uh! BRUCE: Nice job.
CHAD: Slow and steady.
JACK: Perfect, this is like… JACK: I’m like, done now, right? GEOFF: Yeah, you’re in 20th place. JACK: Ah no!
BRUCE: What’re you supposed to race on there? JACK: Ohhh.
LAWRENCE: When the – when the waves go low… LAWRENCE: There’s a little *voice cracks* gate you can drive on. BRUCE: *laughs*
CHAD: Oh! BRUCE: Your voice…
CHAD: You’re incorporating the water…
BRUCE: Your voice cracked. JACK: *high pitched whine*
LAWRENCE: Too excited. BRUCE: Yeah… *broken voice* There’s a gate! BRUCE: Nice!
LAWRENCE: There you go!
JACK: Woo! CHAD: He did it!
GEOFF: Oh you bastard. That was awesome. LAWRENCE: Good job.
CHAD: Slow and steady.
JACK: Alright now what? JACK: Do I boost? I’m boosting. CHAD: Oh god.
BRUCE: Oh wow that’s risky. BRUCE: Oh boy. LAWRENCE: Sure man. CHAD: Oh jeez. BRUCE: Sure, sure bro.
LAWRENCE: Ok. CHAD: Oh god.
CHAD: Now brakes! LAWRENCE: Here’s the climax of the map. JACK: You’re a climax.
LAWRENCE: Well not that. LAWRENCE: But after this.
CHAD: Ah! GEOFF: Boost’ll help. BRUCE: And then boo-
CHAD: No! BRUCE: Awww!
JACK: I was told not to… BRUCE: Boost boost boost boost boost! CHAD: Boost! LAWRENCE: You’re gettin’ too floppy, yeah you can’t boost… LAWRENCE: So yeah, just make sure you hit that ramp… BRUCE: Oh he’s gonna take it.
LAWRENCE: Oh gotta grab it. JACK: Son of a bitch.
BRUCE: Oh no you got it. LAWRENCE: There ya go.
BRUCE: Boost! JACK: Wh-who!
BRUCE: Ohhh yeah Jack! JACK: Oh no!
BRUCE: Oh no no no! JACK: Hey! Who’s that person?
BRUCE: Sorry Sandra! GEOFF: Just boost, just boost, just boost!
JACK: Move! GEOFF: It’s Sandra! LAWRENCE: I think you can make this. GEOFF: Just boost!
JACK: Alright here we go. LAWRENCE: Boost. Hit it and boost. JACK: Ungh!
LAWRENCE: Just go and boost. LAWRENCE: Just boost through…
JACK: Alright I’m tryna boost. JACK: There we go! Boost! LAWRENCE: Eh. Oo! GEOFF: Oh sh…
CHAD: Can you boost again? BRUCE: Uh oh.
LAWRENCE: Oh you’re not gonna make it. JACK: There’s not…
GEOFF: That doesn’t seem… BRUCE: Wait, what’re you supposed to do?
CHAD: You just got close.
JACK: Yeah what’s going on there? LAWRENCE: THAT is the hardest jump. CHAD: Oh.
GEOFF: Fuck. LAWRENCE: You haven’t made it to that one yet. BRUCE: Oh you got it!
CHAD: 180! BRUCE: *yells* OHHH!
CHAD: YEAH! BRUCE: What a trick!
JACK: That – that takes mad skills right there. BRUCE: Get the boost Jack!
CHAD: Sick 180!
BRUCE: Get that *voice cracks* boost! LAWRENCE: Unfortunately it’s not looking good for Jack. LAWRENCE: He’s coming into…
CHAD: Ah bitch! LAWRENCE: Maybe if you get those two boosts in a row, except there’s… *laughter* JACK: Oh I’m thinking of Portals! BRUCE: Oh you – you used it twice! No not enough cause your wheels are all… GEOFF: Skip it! Skip it!
JACK: Ah! Nah! BRUCE: Look at that guy’s tryna swim! *flying sound* LAWRENCE: Ok now…
GEOFF: Oh Jack!
LAWRENCE: Shit! BRUCE: *high pitched laugh* LAWRENCE: Wait! And now boost! CHAD: Wait, that’s looking good.
BRUCE: What?! ALL: OHHH! LAWRENCE: Boost! Boost! BRUCE: Oh come on! JACK: Oh yes!
CHAD: Use the boost to get through! BRUCE: Oh nice! JACK: I did it!
LAWRENCE: And now… BRUCE: All the golf carts fallin’ off the edge! LAWRENCE: See all these people that haven’t…
CHAD: He’s taking your cart! CHAD: What the hell! JACK: He’s gonna… LAWRENCE: That’s another thing about Turbid, he steals everything he can…
JACK: That’s hilarious.
BRUCE: Fuck you Turbid! CHAD: Ignore the bullets, Turbid deserved it.
BRUCE: Get your cart back. JACK: Give my fucking golf cart back you piece of shit. JACK: Boost! CHAD: Oh no.
BRUCE: Ah, LAWRENCE: You have to double boost and also both boosts have to be on the level… LAWRENCE: And all these people are gonna take all the boosts and use them like idiots. LAWRENCE: You basically have no chance of doing this. LAWRENCE: Cuz everybody’s…
JACK: So why would you pick this map!? CHAD: Is Turbid directing traffic? BRUCE: Yeah he is.
JACK: Yeah he’s pointing. JACK: Take me there, skitch. BRUCE: There’s one. LAWRENCE: Okay…
BRUCE: Now boost. LAWRENCE: And if one spawns in front of you…
JACK: Ah damn it I went for… BRUCE: Boostboostboostboost
LAWRENCE: Gogogogo JACK: *yelling*
ALL: Ohhhh! JACK: It’s like Day After Tomorrow. JACK: Maybe if I can make it. LAWRENCE: Nah. GEOFF: Nah, there’s no way. LAWRENCE: So what- you need a boost and then you need to hit that one. LAWRENCE: Get up the wall that way and then hopefully get a third on your way up. BRUCE: So there’s a third boost? LAWRENCE: Yeah. If you can grab one of those then you just… JACK: I got it!
BRUCE: You got it you got it. GEOFF: Sh sh
LAWRENCE: Okay just play it cool JACK: No one- no one knows, no one knows. LAWRENCE: They’re fuckin’ with you.
GEOFF: Boost. LAWRENCE: Don’t do it now. BRUCE: Make sure…
CHAD: Everyone be cool. JACK: Shh they don’t know I have it. BRUCE: Yeah they do.
CHAD: They do. BRUCE: Ahhhh.
JACK: Sonofabitch. BRUCE: Oh oo!
CHAD: Wait wait. BRUCE: Oh go go! go! LAWRENCE: Alright be…
BRUCE: Ohhhh get the- boost!
LAWRENCE: You’re hitting it at an angle. ALL: Whoa! LAWRENCE: Shit! LAWRENCE: That was almost perfect. JACK: You got a place to be, Geoff?
BRUCE: Geoff! LAWRENCE: Boost again! Boost again! BRUCE: Oh oh!
LAWRENCE: Boost again! CHAD: Oh wait wait. LAWRENCE: YES!
ALL: AHHHH! GEOFF: *high pitched* Oh another checkpoint, don’t mind if I do! CHAD: There ya go. JACK: *high pitched* Oh look there’s another…
BRUCE: *high pitched* Oh there’s the finish line! ALL: Yeah! Yay! *applause*
JACK: 5th place! BRUCE: Way to go Jack! JACK: There we go.
CHAD: You did it. GEOFF: I’m so proud of you buddy.
JACK: That was easy. BRUCE: He really is good at races! BRUCE: Alright Lawrence, help me out with a top tip. LAWRENCE: You got it. Top tip.
BRUCE: Tell me a top tip as I’m doing it. JACK: Wheels on the ground then boost.
LAWRENCE: Wheels on the ground and boost. BRUCE: Wheels on the ground then boost. How do I boost? CHAD: Aim your trajectory.
JACK: Wheels on the bus- they go round and round. BRUCE: Ay! Ay! BRUCE: I got! Ow! CHAD: You hit the first thing! BRUCE: I didn’t hit anything! Somebody hit ME! LAWRENCE: And good.
GEOFF: Nailed it.
JACK: If you bounce this, it’s nothing but nightmares. BRUCE: Ho! I’m in the water! GEOFF: Back it up!
BRUCE: Oh what the fuck!? GTA… LAWRENCE: There you go, okay.
GEOFF: Beep. JACK: Some good three point turning right there. BRUCE: Thank you very much. BRUCE: I’m goin’. Fuck it. CHAD: You can do it. BRUCE: Awww! Damn! Outta the water! Fuck! JACK: Ah no that’s not straight, you’re gonna bounce.
LAWRENCE: There you go. JACK: It’s gonna bounce.
CHAD: No that’s alright. JACK: He bounced. ALL: Hey! Wuh!
CHAD: You can do it. BRUCE: I did it. LAWRENCE: Don’t boost don’t boost don’t boost. JACK: Hard left hard left hard left.
BRUCE: I don’t have a boost. BRUCE: Why were there pipes?! What were those pipes that exploded?! BRUCE: What the fuck was that?! JACK: Wait.
LAWRENCE: Now boost! JACK: Now aim right, there ya go.
GEOFF: There ya go. BRUCE: Oh no that’s too much. JACK: You’re leaning flat now. LAWRENCE: Ah there you go!
BRUCE: OOOO! JACK: Left left left!
BRUCE: What do you mean carve?! BRUCE: What the fuck are you talking about, carve?! LAWRENCE: He’s gonna hit you so bad. LAWRENCE: Oh wow.
CHAD: Oh wow. JACK: Whoa!
CHAD: That was a really good boost too! BRUCE: Why thank you. JACK: You got another too.
LAWRENCE: Even out even out. Chad: Oh, look at that. Bruce: I can’t see my CART, Lawrence. Chad: What the hell just happened?! Lawrence: You gotta feel it, you gotta feel the car. Bruce: What do you mean “you gotta feel” – WHAT? Jack: you ready? Lawrence: Aaaand, start turning! Bruce: I don’t know what you talkin’ bout carve. Jack: boop! Geoff: Oh, Bruce, you made that look EASY. Bruce: Look, my time’s gonna be better than Jack’s, alright? I already told you that. Lawrence: *whispers* There you go. Geoff: Nice!
Bruce: *yelling* Aaaahhh Bruce: A wrench!
Geoff: Just knock this out, first try. Lawrence: You gotta jus- you gotta just whip it. Whip it through. Bruce: There’s water there, though! Lawrence: That’s okay, that’s okay… I don’t know if that’s okay.
Bruce: What do you mean “that’s okay”?! Bruce: You motherfucker!
Jack: Boost! Lawrence: What?!
Bruce: What the fuck did I hit? Bruce: I don’t like this game anymore.
Jack: Fire! Everyone: Ohhh!
Bruce: Get the fuck outta my way. Jack: Nice! Burst boost! Bruce: Get out of the way! Everyone: (Laughing)
Bruce: Awww… Bruce: Redlegs_, get out of the way! Bruce: Redlegs_! Bruce: Respawn you fucking idoit! Lawrence: Boom!
Jack: Boost! Bruce: What?! Lawrence: And boost again! Boost! Everyone: Booooost! Geoff: Nah, it was too late Bruce: oooh, what do you mean too late? Lawrence: Boost now! Bruce: I did. I did. Lawrence: There we go. Jack: Ooohhhh? Chad: It’s looking good. Bruce: I don’t know if i can… Jack: Yas! Chad: Boost!
Lawrence: Bruce! Chad: Just do it!
Lawrence: Boost! Boost! Everyone: Boost! (shouting) Bruce: Oh my god! (more shouting and screaming) Bruce: Did I get it?! Lawrence: You got it. Bruce: YAAAA- Bruce: (laughing)
Jack: Did he really? Bruce: Yeah! Geoff: First try!
Everyone: (cheering) Bruce: Get that cart outta the way! Bruce: I’m gonna go right… Jack: Boost. Lawrence: (chuckles) Bruce: I have a missile. Lawrence: Then shoot em backwards. That’s your boost. Jack: Yeah
Chad: Na-, no no just wait and shoot the people… Lawrence: And just cruise on through the end. Jack: You did it! Bruce: Oh wow.
Jack: Yay… Bruce: Guys this was easy! Geoff: You made that look SO easy! Bruce: Oh look! Everyone: A wheelie! Bruce: I popped a wheelie. I didn’t even mean to do that. Geoff: You did it 9 minutes faster than jack did. Jack: You did. Jack: And you came in two places after i did. Chad: Now we just commentate on-? Chad: Whose it? Bruce: No, we don’t commentate on them. We don’t watch them. Bruce: ‘Cause i don’t wanna watch them. I won! Chad: Okay. Everyone: (laughing)
Bruce: -later on losers. Bruce: Peace out, bros! Bruce: YAS, Lawrence! Bruce: Murder! Bruce: Be quiet Lawrence. Lawrence: Put some boobs on it? Chad: (whispering) Do we need to be quiet? Can they hear us? Everyone: Du Du Du DuDuDu Lawrence: Nah, its okay Chad: Are we all doing different-? Bruce: Yeah, we’re all doing different spooky music. Bruce Ok? Ready…. Go! Geoff: I just think of pup named Scooby Doo actually (Laughing) Everyone: “sings” spooky music
(Actual Spooky music plays) Bruce: Go get ’em! Bruce: Clean it up! (More Dramatic and spooky music) Everyone: (screaming as they stab someone) Bruce: Hmmm… Ah ah ah ah! Chad: Oh! Get him. Here he comes. Chad: Let’s not die again. Everyone: Awwwwwww….. Bruce: You’re good. Everyone: Oh!
Chad: There he is! Kill our rival! Lawrence: Shit! Chad: Get him! Lawrence: Wait… go away!
Chad: Nope. Nope and nope. Bruce: aawwugh! Everyone: Yeah! (Cheering)