If Mobile Games Were Honest – Honest Ads (Android, iOS Parody)

If Mobile Games Were Honest – Honest Ads (Android, iOS Parody)


– Hi, I’m Roger. Do you have a brain? If so, my company, Horton Mobile Gaming would like to offer you a mobile game. Some call it a casual
game, or most accurately, Horton Mobile Gaming
would like to offer you a feedback loop of colors
and shapes and sounds, that’ll get your brain
high on arbitrary rewards. You see, without stimulation, the brain tends to be sad and scared, and bored, just because. That’s one reason, you already
own these electric toys, but why not use these toys
to take my electric drug. The Horton Brand Psychologically Optimal Colorful Shape Tapper. It’s the kind of game that babies play, but you seem to like it to, so here, just download this digital heroin onto your chosen magical
screen and play with it, a lot, whenever and where ever. When you do, your brain will get high. – Thank you. – (laughing) Oh please, we
give away our feedback loops for free, so you’ll get addicted to them. All we ask is that you
give us a good rating, and we ask it ever hour
until you give us any rating, and you should probably
buy the ad-free version if you want to see a reasonable
amount of your screen. Horton Psychologically
Optimal Color Shape Tapper was built so you’ll make
more progress in it, if you buy imaginary items,
or power-ups, or whatevers. Eventually, it’s not winnable,
unless you buy whatevers, but, good luck. To keep it interesting,
I’ll introduce a new color or shape of whatever,
every once in a while. It’ll get your brain slightly
more high than normal, once. If you get tired of Horton’s Psychologically
Optimal Color Shape Tapper, I’ve also made Horton’s Psychologically Optimal Tapping of Colorful Shapes. You’re hard wired to want to win, no matter how abstract
or childish the goal is, and to be chemically rewarded, no matter how trivial the winning is, so the details of my
game don’t really matter. Sure, I could make the colorful shapes resemble people or creatures, or add some sentences about the storied struggle
between certain colorful shapes and other colorful shapes. I could hire a famous celebrity, who’s willing to act like bopping cartoons on the top of the head, as an epic quest. – Rally your bravest thumbs. – *Beep* that *beep*. (laughing) This *beep* gets ya high, so it’s just colors and shapes. We don’t even have to advertise. Our target market is anyone
who’s ever had spare time or pooped within the last eight years. – You got anymore of those whatevers? – Oh, as many as you can buy,
they basically don’t exist. – Perfect. – Perfect. – Hey, you like standup. Come see the Cracked Standup Show. It’s happening June 22nd at
Meltdown Comic in Los Angeles. If you want to see amazing comics, including our own Josh Sargent, go to nerdmeltla.com/tickets. And if you want to see
me do a funny dance, sorry not today.

100 Comments on "If Mobile Games Were Honest – Honest Ads (Android, iOS Parody)"


  1. I love how these things teach you how to sell things to other ppl. & Rodger really breaks it down

    Reply

  2. Thanks for nothing. I do play mobile games such as retro Tetris or Chess, but no more excess since it also takes away life of my battery.

    Reply

  3. Repetitive moves, new stars levels gold fake coins here have some but not too many you don't deserve that … had to quit playing games and go do adulting.

    Reply

  4. "and eventually it becomes impossible to win unless you pay"

    he's talking about every gacha game isn't he

    Reply

  5. If porn was honest.
    1. Where a fucking condom, if you don't you'll either die of aids or have a kid that you don't want
    2. CONSENT IS FUCKING REQUIRED YOU SICK FUCK
    3. If you actually do this, you'll get arrested. Don't fucking do it
    4. Getting laid doesn't work that way
    5. Did I mention that consent is pretty fucking important?!
    6. Don't have sex with your family members or pets you sicko, get help

    Reply

  6. And I bet lotta people who play these games for hours upon hours complain they don’t make enough money to have a good life well if they took that time and actually worked to make more pay for working more or took that time furthering your education instead of playing your damn game you might have a better life

    Reply

  7. I’m happy to say that I kicked my habit of playing The Simpsons Tapped Out (TSTO) a few years ago. I realized that even though it was free it would never end and was just wasting my time. If the first thing you do when you wake up is play a freemium game, then you have a problem. Especially if it’s a timed based one.

    Reply

  8. i got an Android lg phone. i can get a paid ad free version of an app free…and you lose money. that i would have otherwise wasted. chock on that hot dose.

    Reply

  9. Fuck your channel.

    Why am I pissed off?

    You just couldn’t put out funny videos without getting your little bitch politics pushed out there for all of the other educated dumbass little bitches.
    As long as you continue to show up in my feed, I will keep commenting. How enjoyably perpetuating..

    …Bitches.

    Reply

  10. My uncle works at applebees he was playing this mobile game and literally walked into a customer he broke his phone and nearly got fired poor guy I look up to this guy he's on good money

    Reply

  11. I play mobile games, I like to get electrically high I must admit, but I never pay. Period. Not because I am poor, but because there're much more other interesting things to pay for

    Reply

  12. "Our target is anyone whose had spare time or pooped within the last 8 years."
    I guess I'm not the target audience…

    Reply

  13. I always hated this time comsuming brain washing apps… never seen anything less productive in my life

    Reply

  14. – You got anymore of these whatevers?
    – Oh, as many as you can buy, they basically don't exist.
    – Perfect
    – Perfect

    Reply

  15. Hehe whenever they introduce something that I can’t buy or don’t need to, they just make me give up the game quicker. In fact, for me a good game is a free and effective one, but I know the developers need money, and I always asked myself if they get really supported by the premium packages “we” buy.

    Reply

  16. oooh fuck, Last week i download “Empires and Puzzles” now im level 20 and i promised i wouldn’t buy shit i think i’ve spent 20 bucks already and of course maybe waste like 5days of my life, thanks for this video i mean i know but i needed someone to tell me on my face

    Reply

  17. The sad part is that we already know this is true as we tap on these shapes over and over again lmao

    Reply

  18. Every mobile game ad that isnt mafia or story related: 'tHiS IS hArDEr ThAN IT LOoKs!' Except these ads are obviously fake. And then there are spelling related ones, the people playing these have an IQ of 2 to not be able to spell 'chain' or 'hair', advertisers, your ads are laughable and worse than even the likes of family party:30 great games obstacle arcade for the Wii u (the worst rated game according to metacritic, which is rated 11/100)

    Reply

  19. I'd like to think this is an alternate white void universe where horton rules all beings with his sass and charm

    Reply

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